Magical Thinking

The season premiere of Lost is on right now, and Jason is trying to catch me up on five years of plane crashes, time travel and smoke monsters. It's really weird. I don't get it (plus the acting is really bad). But I am having an easier time than usual believing the fantastical elements. That's because I've been doing some magical thinking of my own lately. I think the end of pregnancy just does that to you.

Joan Didion wrote a really sad but excellent book a few years ago called "The Year of Magical Thinking." It was about the sudden death of her husband and how her brain played all of these crazy tricks on her after he was gone.

Although it is a different and more joyful life event, I think that the process of having a child affects your brain in a similar way. I find myself in such a strange fog lately. While my rational brain knows that a baby is about to enter our lives, I can't quite believe that it is really happening. My belly is gigantic and it feels like there is a little alien kickboxing in there most of the time, but it still doesn't feel exactly real. I guess it probably won't until there is a baby laying on my chest.

Of course, maybe this is just nature's way of preparing you for having a baby. If you knew too much, you probably wouldn't really want to go through with it. I read something to Jason recently that advised the partner that the laboring woman should have no expectation of rationality. I kind of liked that. For a normally pretty rational gal, I'm ready to lose my grip on reality, head to the land of magical thinking, and have this baby.

(By the way, my prediction is this Saturday, February 6th)